Love & Let Go is an online resource about senior pet care, hospice, pet loss, grief and healing. Our contributors are animal lovers, caretakers, and professionals, all of whom have personally navigated the journey of pet loss. Together, we’re here to help you love… and let go.
Growing up, I loved animals of all kinds — but dogs and horses were (and still are) my spirit animals. Cats, a turtle, fish, lesson horses, rabbits, and a family dog were all part of my story.
I loved them and, eventually, I lost them.
But it wasn’t until my senior Beagle, Penny, passed away that I had to truly grapple with grief.
Losing an animal you love is a feeling like no other.
Penny came into my life as my first foster. I was a single young professional living on my own, and our family dog had recently passed away from old age. It was the first time I felt I could support a dog of my own, and fostering seemed like the responsible way to start.
When my local humane society reviewed my fostering application, they said they had a seven-year-old Beagle that wasn’t doing well at the shelter. Could I come meet her… today?
Penny made an impression, to be sure. She was barking incessantly, her front paws popping off the ground with each vocalization. Her eyes were bloodshot (she’d had two Cherry Eye surgeries), she was overweight (#beagleprobs), and dog/cat/kid reactive.
Factor in the fact she was already a senior, she wasn’t exactly an “easy sell” to potential adopters.
After about a week, I became a “Foster Failure.” Penny was mine, and I was hers. We continued living life side-by-side for the next nine years.
Life was better together
She was with me through much of my first job. She was with me when I quit that job to start my own business. She was with me when I packed up my life and moved 1,500 miles across the country to Montana.
For every major moment of my middle-aged life, she was there — my lucky Penny.
As she aged, she developed Cushings. I eventually bought a house with a yard, in large part so she could have a dog door and drink and go out as much as she needed.
Penny on Neighborhood Watch
Cushings and dry eyes apart, she was healthy until the end. Sure, she lost a lot of her hearing and some of her sight. (That nose still worked great though!) She slept a lot. But she was always up for walks and snuggles.
I was preparing to celebrate her 15th birthday when Penny started showing new symptoms. After several trips to the vet and various tests, there was no definitive diagnosis.
But I knew her, and something was very wrong.
Within two weeks, Penny became unable to eat, sleep, control her bladder, or do any of the things she loved.
In fact, writing a list of things she loved — and could no longer enjoy — on a sticky note was the only way I could make an impartial decision to say goodbye. Thankfully, the vet agreed to come to my house.
The following day, Penny lay on my baby blanket and took her last breath in her beloved yarden. The sun was shining. Birds were chirping. Her favorite humans were by her side every step of the way.
Once Penny was gone, I felt adrift in a world that now existed without my canine soulmate.
Until we meet again…
My journey of pet loss inspired me to create Love & Let Go, a resource focused on caring for animals approaching the end of their lives — and moving forward once they cross over the Rainbow Bridge.
The journey is difficult. It is painful.
But there is life after loss, and it, too, can be sweet.